I don’t know if you are familiar with this small innocuous gents’ 
shaving accessory. Before the advent of the safety razor, it was an 
essential part of a shaving kit.  In the event of a small nick or cut, 
a dab with the old styptic pencil would stem the flow of blood – 
although it does impart a bit of a sting – just like magic!  I don’t 
know how it works and I don’t care – it just does.

I always carry one of these little demons in my wash bag and it has 
come to my rescue on numerous occasions.  Recently however I found 
myself away from home and standing in front of a bathroom mirror with 
my weapon of destruction in my hand . . . yes - my bloody razor of 
course - what else?!  (By the way aren’t those magnifying mirrors 
found in many hotel bathrooms – you know, the ones with the light in 
them - scary f***ers?   I always seem to have hairs growing out of my 
ears and nose that definitely aren’t there when I’m at home!) Anyway – 
I digress . . .

Suddenly disaster struck and I nicked myself just under my nose.  
Pain!  Blood!  No problem – reach for the styptic stick.  Nowhere to 
be found. Oh Hell!  Show time less than an hour away.  Ah well, just 
have to resort to wandering around the room for ten minutes with a 
piece of tissue stuck to my face.  Glam eh??

Of course, once attached, this is easily forgotten about and I settle 
back to watch TV.  So, cut to a few minutes later when I happen to 
catch sight of myself in the mirror.  The tissue, now saturated with 
blood, has dried out completely and stuck fast to my face.  Oh F**k!

Grimacing into the aforementioned magnifying mirror, I gingerly try to 
prise the tissue away from the wound.  Almost . . . bugger!  I’m 
bleeding again – and worse, it seems, than before.  And this is where 
the madness takes over.  I search through my wash bag once again in 
the vain hope that the little styptic miracle was simply hiding from 
me earlier.  Then I see it.  Smiling up at me.  A Lynx roll-on 
deodorant!  I wonder . . .could it? . . would it work?

Desperate times call for desperate measures so I decided to give it a 
go.  Well!  PAIN! OW! PAIN!  Followed by a lot of swearing and some 
very bizarre naked leaping and dancing.

I can happily report that a Lynx roll-on deodorant will stop blood 
from a shaving cut more or less instantly.  But you better brace 
yourself for a bit of a shock!

Next time – the effects of red chillis when applied as a remedy for 
haemorrhoids!